Am I Lost or Just Multitalented (And Mildly Panicked)?
Am I Lost or Just Multitalented (and Mildly Panicked)?
by Stephen Belenky
I’ve spent the past few years swinging between two moods:
- I can do anything
- I have no idea what I’m doing
Both are true. Which is really inconvenient.
And I know I’m not alone. I could put out a cattle call into the founder ecosystem right now and get 20 replies in an hour. All of us high-functioning. All of us quietly losing it.
We’re what people like to call "multi-passionate." Which sounds lovely until you realize it mostly means I’ve started twelve projects, filed six LLCs, and researched angel investing, trauma theory, and small-batch tequila all in the same week.
And somehow, I still feel like I’m falling behind.
Call it ambition. Or maybe ADHD. Hell, call it late-stage capitalism’s pressure to monetize every interest and turn joy into a scalable funnel. I’ve called it all those things, usually around 2am, staring at the ceiling like it owes me a doctorate in ideation.
I like being curious and I like the variety. I like that I’ve had careers and subplots and side quests. But some days, it all starts to feel like a shapeshift I can’t reverse. Like I’m performing a version of “figuring it out” while quietly panicking that I never actually will.
People say “follow your purpose,” and I want to roll my eyes. Who am I kidding. I do roll my eyes. And Larry David has nothing on these eye-rolls. It’s not that I don’t believe in purpose. It’s that it sounds too clean. Like it’s waiting somewhere, laminated and color-coded.
Meanwhile, I’ve got a Google Doc with six competing visions for my life and a seventh titled, “Actually, Maybe I Just Move to Japan?” But before I cause anyone else to spiral, here’s what I’ve been trying instead:
Not asking if it’s my purpose. Just asking if it feels on purpose.
As in: Did I choose this? Did I really show up for it? Did I do it with care? Or did I drop it faster than a dating app for agoraphobics? That shift helps me. Not always. But enough.
So yeah, I’m working on it. I’m building a life that holds more than one lane and letting it be messy. I'm failing fast choosing to believe that “not quite on brand” might actually be the point.
I hope this landed for you, maybe somewhere between your ambition and your exhaustion. If so, please subscribe. Let yourself spiral too...I did while writing this.
P.S. That agoraphobia app really did cross my mind. Not my best moment.
